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Friday, March 24, 2006

The Green Bottle family vs Mr Wall



Mr Wall has been charged with knowingly and wilfully inflicting grievous bodily harm on all ten members of the Green Bottle family (pictured above, after major reconstructive surgery).

A number of incidents had been reported in the vicinity of Mr Wall's residence, but suspicion only really began to be aroused when neighbours heard local children singing a song about the incidents, and began to wonder what the actual chances were of all ten bottles accidentally falling off the wall.

In an official police statement, it was revealed that this is not the first time that Mr Wall has been investigated for such offences. Some years ago, there was a major incident in which the Armed Forces got involved, as the situation got quite out of hand. The victim of the earlier attack is the key prosecution witness, and any conviction rests on his testimony. In an interview with Sarisburium News, Mr Humpty Dumpty, who was clearly still very traumatised by his ordeal, could only bring himself to say, 'I hope justice is done here. Life has been very difficult for me over the past few years', before he fell to pieces.

The case for the defence is based on diminished responsibility, as the injuries incurred by the Green Bottle family were the responsibility of the person or persons who placed them on Mr Wall in the first place. The main thrust of the argument is that this was a silly place to put ten green bottles, and was an invasion of Mr Wall's personal space. 'I could just about cope with the two little dickie birds coming and going all day long', said Mr wall, in an exclusive interview, 'but when they started with those bottles, well, what could I do? It all got a bit much.' The defence is expected to argue that, after the first few bottles had fallen, the sensible and responsible thing to do would have been to move the rest of them to a safer environment. Instead, the party responsible for their wellbeing (whom, Sarisburium News understands, considers himself to be something of a poet), used the time to compose a song about the events to teach local children.

The sole defence witness is a character witness, Mr Wall's former work colleague, Mirror Mirror, who is known for her veracity. She is expected to testify to Mr Wall's upright and supportive nature.

Please stay tuned for reports on the progress of the case as events unfold.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Only ten Green Bottles? Over here in the states we have

99 Bottles of beer on the wall,
99 Bottles of beer!
If one of those bottles should happen to fall....
98 Bottles of beer on the wall...

And so forth.

The song will last for a 10 mile ride in a school bus filled with noisy little ones....

The song does not give any information on the rehabilitation/reconstruction of so many bottles.

Leetle M.

Joe said...

the way I learned it was instead of "if one of those bottles should happen to fall" was "Take one down and pass it around."

When you play with actual beer it gets rather fun by the end.

Joe Zollars

Michael said...

I'm getting the feeling I've put a lot of effort into humour that's going to be lost because of a transatlantic difference in songs. I might cry.

Over here, we have:
Ten green bottles standing on the wall.
Ten green bottles standing on the wall,
and if one green bottle should accidentally fall,
there'd be nine green bottles standing on the wall.


Oh well! I amused myself last night writing it. :D

Ian said...

I'm laughing: rather loudly.

Thank you for that: wondrous.

Joe said...

It was quite a wondrous bit of humour.

You should remember, we Americans can hold our liqour better than you englishmen. ;)

Joe Zollars

Anonymous said...

The humour works for me... can I circulate it among friends with a similar sense of humour?

kingsfold

Michael said...

Oh yes, please! :-)

(As for not being able to hold my booze, I think I proved you right the other evening, Joe, but enough of that for now. :D)

Joe said...

You've been tagged!

go to my blog for details.

Joe Zollars

Anonymous said...

I found your blog courtesy of "Ask Yahoo." Although I'm usually a silent observer (on blogs), I wanted to tell you that I found it very funny, regardless of the transatlantic gap.
-r

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